Dilemma

“Okay, time keeps going on its own pace.

We’re not the same like who we were before.

And that dress? Are you still adoring that dress?

Nah, you’re just too bored to do so.

It doesn’t belong to you anyway.

So if you stop adoring that dress, do you still like your current dress?

You start thinking, maybe it doesn’t fit you well like it did before?

And your current dress is just too tight for you now.

It’s choking you.

It’s torturing you.

It’s hurting all over your body.

But you still love it.

Oh, really?

Are you sure that you still love it?

Even though it’s hurting you so bad?

You don’t know.

You just…

Don’t know…

Why…

Well, now you’re looking to some new dresses at the store.

It’s not that bad, actually.

It’s fine.

However, you just don’t feel anything toward them.

It is ‘plain’.

You don’t feel a thing.

No feeling.

No feeling at all.

Maybe it’s because your current dress?

Or maybe because you’re just crazy?”

—

“Okay, I admit it. I am crazy.

Thanks for reminding me that.”

That perfect dress…

So, you get yourself a new dress.

And what did happen to the dress you anxiously wanted before?

Of course, it has been taken.

But you still keep on hoping that you will, someday, have that gorgeous dress.

Though someone has taken it.

Because it is still shining like it was before.

Because that dress is still better than your current dress.

Because you think that dress will look good on you rather than it looks on the current owner.

Yet, you can’t afford it just now. It’s already taken anyway.

Are you going to fight just for a goddamn dress?

Come on, you’re not a kid anymore. It doesn’t worth fighting for.

But, you stare at it. Yes, you still stare at it. Can’t take your eyes off it.

You’re too late. Yes, you know it.

Instead, why don’t you just be thankful of what you have?

You’re lucky too have such nice dress.

It’s not a kind of dress that everyone will have,anyway.

Though it’s not better than the dress that you wanted.

Though it’s not shining like that dress.

You look good with your current dress.

Trust me.

Try to like your new dress.

Honestly, I begin to do so too. I like my dress. No, I love it!

I know. Thank you for reminding me that.

An unopened letter, an untold word.

What if you wrote a letter but you didn’t have any reply for a long time?

You might think that the person to whom you wrote that letter didn’t receive it. Or maybe he/she was busy until now and you, still hope that he/she will reply to your letter so desperately. Whatever you think, you can’t stop the thought about it and it’s haunting you, isn’t it?

And what if there’s something you want to say to someone but you still can’t say it?

Well, there are a lot of case about this and most of them, if I don’t get it wrong, are about feeling. Feeling in this case could be guilty feeling, love feeling, or any else. Once the person to whom you want to say is gone, you’ll regret that you’ve never said it to him/her before. This regret, is more horrible than the first case about an unopened letter.

GODDAMMIT, WHY CAN’T I JUST SAY IT TO HER?

Okay, I know that she won’t read this but I wish she does. I know it has a very little chance that she would read this. But please, I really hope she would read this. God, help me.

It’s so frustating that another person can say it easily, but I can’t. This pride sucks. I wish I could just leave my pride behind and say it to her.

OH GOD, HOW I HATE BEING A MELANCHOLIC!

IT’S JUST A FUCKING INTRODUCTION, AND WHY CAN’T I JUST SAY IT?!

At least, please go when I’ve known your name!

Why do you have to go, now?

OH GOD, BRING HER BACK TO WHERE I WANT IT TOMORROW. PLEASE?

AND GRANT ME GUTS TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO.

The Star

Okay…I’m just copying things that were posted in my facebook notes.

It was written by me, of course.

This one is an analogy about star.

Here is the post.

orion

Well,
I’d say, the most thing I like about the night is the star.
Yes, the star up in the sky.
Have you ever wondered why the star is nowhere to be seen at day?
It’s because the greedy sun shines so brightly that you can barely look at the stars.
They’re still there. Up above us.
You just can’t see it because of the sun.
The blinding light of the sun is getting rid of the stars’.
However, the sun itself is a star.
The sun makes us thing that it’s the only star up there at day.
But you’ll see a lot of stars showing themselves at night.
Shining their wonderful lights.
Expressing their true selves.
Without holding back.
Because there’s no sun.
Nothing trying to make them unseen anymore.

Sometimes, I feel like the star represents myself pretty much.
And that’s why I like the star.
My existence is not that important at day.
But I’ll definitely show myself off soon enough.
Ah, yes.
I am a star, waiting for night to come.

Faith and Fear

Okay. I’ve been being hiatus for about 4 months or more.

“What did I do?”, you might ask me.

I was too lazy to update this blog. Oh well. Bad reason, eh?

Now, while I’ve got the time, I’m going to post something.

This time it’s about FAITH AND FEAR.

‘What is the most incredible thing about human?’, you might ask. It , I personally assume, the five lettered word we always hear of, that is…

Faith.

Yes, faith.
Sure, it might be related to religion things. But that’s exactly not what I want to write right now.
I would define that word as, ‘to believe in something fully even when there’s possibility that can ruin that belief itself.’

Have faith of something and somehow, it would become real even in no time at all.
You could almost do everything that one might say, ‘impossible’, when you have faith on it.
And that would explain about why human think that God or another existence had given them any help.

People pray to God. Wishing that they would be given money, better life, health, friends, everything.
That won’t come true if those people don’t believe that they deserve it.
We can say, they still don’t have faith about it. And what did they get?
Of course. Nothing.

But when you prayed to God. And you worked for it. You will feel that you deserve everything that you prayed before. Then, that will be the time when you earn everything you ever wished for.
How does it sound like? Who doesn’t want that,eh?

‘So, is it that simple?’, you might ask once again.
Well that’s quite conditional, so I’d answer that with both Yes and No.
-Yes, it is that simple if only you can have faith on things without any doubt in your mind.
-No, if you’re still having doubts or fears while you’re doing that ‘something’.

Basically, in order to be in faith you need to diminish any fear you ever had.

‘So what is fear?’

Fear.

Well, again, I’d define this word myself. It is ‘to be afraid of something that is still uncertain whether it would be successful or not.’

If you do something and you’re afraid of that it will turn no good or fail.
That is fear.

Fear is the most common cause of the human’s failure.
When you’re doing something and you have a lot of fears that it will fail, trust me, it will definitely fail.
A work that is done by having any fear will turn to no good.

Whatever you do, just don’t ever let fear control your mind.
It’s okay to feel it for once but when you realize it, be sure to let it out of your mind.

Fear is the opposite of faith.
While you have no doubt when you’re having faith, on the contrary, you have a lot of doubts when you’re facing fear. There would be many ‘What if…?’ running in your mind. Haunting you for every second. Such a dreadful feeling, no? Who want to feel such thing? Not me, of course. -_-

So, what you need to make your wishes come true is faith. Be sure that you deserve what you ask for, keep optimistic that you’ll definitely get it, and keep aside all of your fears and doubts when you’re facing them. Have no fear! Then you’ll definitely get it!

Well, then. I guess that’s all. I just want to share about all things I mentioned above.
Hope it would be useful and helpful to make your life better.

Random Sketches 1

I got bored recently.

So I began randomly sketching.

Well, it can be anything but good, since this is my first time. But practice makes perfect, right? Then I guess I just need to draw as many as I can to improve my skill. Am I getting it right?

Okay these are the sketches.

Well, I drew it on my sketch book. In order to upload them, I took these sketches with my cell phone. No wonder it looks bad right?

Oh, how I wish I have a scanner or tablet right now.  *sigh*

Post comments, will you? Please? Please? Thank you.

Miss Gorgeous

Finally…

A song…

Made by me…

I know it’s not good. But I want to put it here anyway.

What? You don’t like it? Have mercy, please? I stayed awake for about 3 hours just to think and record this, and you just here to tell me that you don’t like it?

*sigh*

What a life…

I wonder if she knew that this song is about her. I wonder what she might think if she found out about this. Should I care? Oh, yeah of course, since it’s about me too. Anyway, enough with my personal story.

Okay here’s the lyrics (I know it’s not good. English is not my native language anyway. If you find out some grammatical errors, just pretend that you don’t, okay? I know you can be trusted.) Thank you.

You can be so beautiful if you want
But you throw those glasses as you want
As if nobody’s gonna take your heart
Now that you’re captivating me
And I guess I just can’t get it free
Can you tell me something dear?

Somehow I was sitting in
front of you at that time

Somehow I began admiring you
since that time

I still remember the way you laughed
the way you talked to me
Oh, how I love those wonderful eyes

Don’t you know that it made me
as in heaven when you smiled
Maybe lil bit overacted but that’s what I felt

Somehow I was sitting in
front of you at that time

Somehow I began admiring you
since that time

There there miss gorgeous,
Is it possible for me to take your heart away?
Hey hey miss gorgeous,
Well I’m wondering of what do you think about me?

Now it’s been such a long time
I wonder how can I get another look at you?

Just like what people say then
there’s only one first impression,right?

Somehow I was sitting in
front of you at that time

Somehow I began admiring you
since that time

There there miss gorgeous,
Is it possible for me to take your heart away?
Hey hey miss gorgeous,
Well I’m wondering of what do you think about me?

But please let me know one thing

Will I ever see you again?
Cause that’s the only thing that I want

And here’s the link to my song (don’t worry, it doesn’t contain virus, worm, spyware, or whatever, though you might think my voice is as bad as virus.LOL)

Click HERE

Well, the end, guys. Are you still alive? LOL

…an introspection that fails

Well…

March is going to end pretty soon…

It’s been such a long long time since I didn’t post anything here. Didn’t you miss me? Or did you happy of having the world without me at all? Were you having a good time? WERE YOU HAPPY, HUH?

Okay, I’m just joking with all things I wrote before, don’t take it seriously. Or else, you’ll get yourself a complicated heart attack with regular seizures every night which’s just too much for you so that you don’t want to see the world anymore. So just…Don’t think about it okay. That way, you’ll be just fine. Trust me.

But, seriously, honestly, REALLY, I want to post something serious here. Whether you like it or not, whether you’re ready or not, whether you don’t like the way the legislative candidates promoting themselves  or not, whether you don’t think that it’s a good idea to wear black dresses on such hot day or not, I really really want to post it so badly.

Okay, the last two things I mentioned above has nothing to do with this post anyway, so we’d better skip it for your health. I didn’t want something bad happen to you and I’d say, neither did you. So let’s get started then.

I needed an introspection, I’d say. And this, would be my introspective effort so that I won’t ever do these things ever again in my life.

Thinking about recently, I started lots of things but ended up with nothing. And why the hell was that anyway?

I could figure out something. And if there’s anything or anyone to be accused, blamed, or whatever you’d like to call it–for all of those things, that had to be me. Yes. Frankly, I was the real problem here.

I took the story that I wrote for an example.  I came up with a bunch of ideas out of my mind.  But I failed on writing the climax. I always did.

Did you have any idea about why that happened to me?

Unfortunately, I had.

‘Then why the hell did you write these things you ZOMGWTFBBQ retards?’ , you might have asked me.

I have told you, this is my introspective effort in order not to fall in the same hole again. So don’t ask anything about it again you nOOb!!

Oh, thinking about it once again, I was the one who asked a question to myself. I must be the one who has to apologize here, no? Then please, from the deep of my heart, I humbly beg for your apologies. Will you forgive me? Please? I promise I won’t ever do it again!

Ah, I’d better stop telling craps before I lost my points in writing this post. Seriously guys, SERIOUSLY!!!

Then let’s start, shall we? Okay.

My lecturer once said, the one who learned is the one who never falls in the same hole again. Pretty good point. I guess, I understand what it means. It means that it’s okay to fall into another hole, right? Ah, no? Then what does it mean? God…I thought it’s just simply like that. It looked like I was having bad perceptions in anything, including this one. Pity me, I know.

My bad, I lost the whole points I wanted to write here and ended up writing things like these which are totally a mess. Not to mention the precious times you wasted just to read this crappy post.

I guess I should post my introspective effort next time since it’s already morning now.  Trust me, I really do want to change and do an introspection myself!! But I’m just t0o tired for that now. Everything has its own time. Everything. Oh, and don’t you ever tell that I’m making an excuse to skip this instrospection thingy out of myself. Because that’s not it, okay? I don’t want anyone to misunderstand my good intention on it. I really don’t.

That’s it, I guess. I’m really sleepy so that I’m happy right now, thinking that she’s right here next to me doing exactly what I want her to do.

Oh, and it’s a ‘NO’, if there’s someone who’s curious enough asking and  I won’t tell both of these things:
1. to whom this ‘she’ word refers to.
2. what I want her to do.
Use your own imagination for that. Let your imagination runs wild ,baby! YEAH!

Well, before you want me to ‘SHUT MY MOUTH UP’, oh but I haven’t said anything, I typed it. Okay. Instead, let’s change this into “before you want me having my fingers broken so that I can’t type anymore”. Aw, that’s a nice one. I like it. Whatever, let me end this anyway before I waste 3 hours just to post these loads of craps. So, bye.

Good morning everyone! Yawn~

Problem

Why do people think too much on their problems?

Why do people begin telling their problems to the others?

Why do people keep complaining and whining about their problems?

…without doing anything at all?

-

By the time all of those rituals are done, they will hopefully begin to tell you anything about them. And you, as a good listener, perhaps, will definitely listen to them, unwillingly and unavoidably. They will envy your life. And telling you , how wonderful your life is. Without having any problem at all.

Wrong. Nobody has never experienced no problem. Not even the most succesful one. They are successful because they succeeded in getting through all the hard time they’re given.

God won’t give us problem which we can’t handle. We have the power to handle it. God gives us. But most of the time, you’ll get so panic and frustated when you’re facing one. And beginning to forget anything but the problem itself. No, it’s not abnormal.

It’s normal, indeed. We’re only human after all. Just don’t be too overreacted and thinking about it too much. It will only get yourself deeper into your problem if you do so. Seriously.

Believe it will get better, and you’ll find it better in no time at all! That’s what I always thought. Keep having positive thought about everything. And hopefully those positive things will come to you.

Well, you probably do not believe me. Actually, I’m just telling what’s in my head. And it’s your right to believe what you want to believe. I know nothing about humanity. It’s not the subject I’ve been studying anyway. I’m just telling something that people usually called it ‘suggestion’.

No hard feeling, by the way.

-

WHY THE HECK DON’T THEY JUST FIND A WAY TO SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF DOING ALL THINGS MENTIONED ABOVE?

-

At least, that’s what I do if I were them. Trying to solve it without even bothering to whine and telling my problem to the others. Uh-oh, it looks like my own statement brings me another question, don’t worry it won’t take long and will be just a one last simple question :

-

Why don’t they just ask thing like ‘what would you do if you were me?’  to solve their problems after all?

Freedom

Forget about the school.
Forget about the classes you should attend.

Forget about the office.
Forget about the pile of papers waiting to be done.

Forget your friends.
Forget your enemies.

Forget your families.
Forget your neighbors.

Just, forget all of your boring routines.
Discard them away to a place no one can reach.

You don’t need to do anything.
You don’t need to be anyone.

There’s nothing to be afraid of.
There’s nothing to worry about.

Just do whatever you want to do.
And throw away anything you don’t want to do.

Yes, you’re on your own.
You’re free.

…and then?