…an introspection that fails


March is going to end pretty soon…

It’s been such a long long time since I didn’t post anything here. Didn’t you miss me? Or did you happy of having the world without me at all? Were you having a good time? WERE YOU HAPPY, HUH?

Okay, I’m just joking with all things I wrote before, don’t take it seriously. Or else, you’ll get yourself a complicated heart attack with regular seizures every night which’s just too much for you so that you don’t want to see the world anymore. So just…Don’t think about it okay. That way, you’ll be just fine. Trust me.

But, seriously, honestly, REALLY, I want to post something serious here. Whether you like it or not, whether you’re ready or not, whether you don’t like the way the legislative candidates promoting themselves  or not, whether you don’t think that it’s a good idea to wear black dresses on such hot day or not, I really really want to post it so badly.

Okay, the last two things I mentioned above has nothing to do with this post anyway, so we’d better skip it for your health. I didn’t want something bad happen to you and I’d say, neither did you. So let’s get started then.

I needed an introspection, I’d say. And this, would be my introspective effort so that I won’t ever do these things ever again in my life.

Thinking about recently, I started lots of things but ended up with nothing. And why the hell was that anyway?

I could figure out something. And if there’s anything or anyone to be accused, blamed, or whatever you’d like to call it–for all of those things, that had to be me. Yes. Frankly, I was the real problem here.

I took the story that I wrote for an example.  I came up with a bunch of ideas out of my mind.  But I failed on writing the climax. I always did.

Did you have any idea about why that happened to me?

Unfortunately, I had.

‘Then why the hell did you write these things you ZOMGWTFBBQ retards?’ , you might have asked me.

I have told you, this is my introspective effort in order not to fall in the same hole again. So don’t ask anything about it again you nOOb!!

Oh, thinking about it once again, I was the one who asked a question to myself. I must be the one who has to apologize here, no? Then please, from the deep of my heart, I humbly beg for your apologies. Will you forgive me? Please? I promise I won’t ever do it again!

Ah, I’d better stop telling craps before I lost my points in writing this post. Seriously guys, SERIOUSLY!!!

Then let’s start, shall we? Okay.

My lecturer once said, the one who learned is the one who never falls in the same hole again. Pretty good point. I guess, I understand what it means. It means that it’s okay to fall into another hole, right? Ah, no? Then what does it mean? God…I thought it’s just simply like that. It looked like I was having bad perceptions in anything, including this one. Pity me, I know.

My bad, I lost the whole points I wanted to write here and ended up writing things like these which are totally a mess. Not to mention the precious times you wasted just to read this crappy post.

I guess I should post my introspective effort next time since it’s already morning now.  Trust me, I really do want to change and do an introspection myself!! But I’m just t0o tired for that now. Everything has its own time. Everything. Oh, and don’t you ever tell that I’m making an excuse to skip this instrospection thingy out of myself. Because that’s not it, okay? I don’t want anyone to misunderstand my good intention on it. I really don’t.

That’s it, I guess. I’m really sleepy so that I’m happy right now, thinking that she’s right here next to me doing exactly what I want her to do.

Oh, and it’s a ‘NO’, if there’s someone who’s curious enough asking and  I won’t tell both of these things:
1. to whom this ‘she’ word refers to.
2. what I want her to do.
Use your own imagination for that. Let your imagination runs wild ,baby! YEAH!

Well, before you want me to ‘SHUT MY MOUTH UP’, oh but I haven’t said anything, I typed it. Okay. Instead, let’s change this into “before you want me having my fingers broken so that I can’t type anymore”. Aw, that’s a nice one. I like it. Whatever, let me end this anyway before I waste 3 hours just to post these loads of craps. So, bye.

Good morning everyone! Yawn~



Why do people think too much on their problems?

Why do people begin telling their problems to the others?

Why do people keep complaining and whining about their problems?

…without doing anything at all?

By the time all of those rituals are done, they will hopefully begin to tell you anything about them. And you, as a good listener, perhaps, will definitely listen to them, unwillingly and unavoidably. They will envy your life. And telling you , how wonderful your life is. Without having any problem at all.

Wrong. Nobody has never experienced no problem. Not even the most succesful one. They are successful because they succeeded in getting through all the hard time they’re given.

God won’t give us problem which we can’t handle. We have the power to handle it. God gives us. But most of the time, you’ll get so panic and frustated when you’re facing one. And beginning to forget anything but the problem itself. No, it’s not abnormal.

It’s normal, indeed. We’re only human after all. Just don’t be too overreacted and thinking about it too much. It will only get yourself deeper into your problem if you do so. Seriously.

Believe it will get better, and you’ll find it better in no time at all! That’s what I always thought. Keep having positive thought about everything. And hopefully those positive things will come to you.

Well, you probably do not believe me. Actually, I’m just telling what’s in my head. And it’s your right to believe what you want to believe. I know nothing about humanity. It’s not the subject I’ve been studying anyway. I’m just telling something that people usually called it ‘suggestion’.

No hard feeling, by the way.


At least, that’s what I do if I were them. Trying to solve it without even bothering to whine and telling my problem to the others. Uh-oh, it looks like my own statement brings me another question, don’t worry it won’t take long and will be just a one last simple question :

Why don’t they just ask thing like ‘what would you do if you were me?’  to solve their problems after all?


Forget about the school.
Forget about the classes you should attend.

Forget about the office.
Forget about the pile of papers waiting to be done.

Forget your friends.
Forget your enemies.

Forget your families.
Forget your neighbors.

Just, forget all of your boring routines.
Discard them away to a place no one can reach.

You don’t need to do anything.
You don’t need to be anyone.

There’s nothing to be afraid of.
There’s nothing to worry about.

Just do whatever you want to do.
And throw away anything you don’t want to do.

Yes, you’re on your own.
You’re free.

…and then?


I hate being in the crowd.
But I love being around you.

I hate waiting.
But it’s a grace if the person I’m waiting for is you.

I hate having not-important conversation with others.
But I enjoy every single word I exchange with you.

I don’t care about my appearance when I’m going to go out somewhere.
But I do really care if it’s you whom I’m going with.

I love being in a place of solitude.
But I hate being in silence when I’m with you.

I hate being taken for granted.
But I’m doing everything just to ensure that you’re happy, though I will be the one who’s miserable.

I don’t care about what happens to the others.
But I don’t want anything bad happens to you, not even a single thing.

Such paradoxes, aren’t they?

I wish I could tell you those things…

The Only Perfect Dress

Have you ever, by any chance, stared at a dress you anxiously wanted but at that time you still couldn’t afford that dress so that you would buy it once you can?

That dress. Yes, that gorgeous dress was displayed on the retail window of pricey boutique at the end of the street. You could see it from the outside. Actually, you always saw it whenever you walked across that street because it’s the same street where you walked home every evening.

Then, you would halt your pace for some minute right in front of the retail window. Adoring that astonishing dress, imagining how you’d look like on that dress. It would be perfectly suited you, you’d think.

In fact, that dress was the only one in that store. Once someone bought it, it’s all over for you. No more adoring, no more imagining, no more halting in front of the retail window of that boutique, there would be only regret left.

Could you imagine how it would hurt you? Well, of course, you could perhaps find another dress which was looking similar to it. But no, it wouldn’t be as perfectly fitted on you as it was. Nothing will ever replace it.

And by the time you’re wondering why I wrote all of these, I want to tell you that it’s all because that’s what you’re meant to me. For God’s sake, I can’t afford losing you, the one that I never had before.

I wish I could get any better than this. I really wish so. Help me God, please?

Who the hell do I think I am, by the way?


Good morning everyone (well at least, it’s morning here), GMT +7 if you wonder what my timezone is.

Well, everything has its beginning. And I could say, that this, with no doubt or hesitating anymore, would be the beginning of my blog.

Finally, a blog. My very own blog. I used to read some blogs here and there while I had a lot of spare time, and now, I have my own blog. While reading this, you might think I’m a retard or a sort of that brainless-thing because I’m happy just because I made a blog, no? Actually, I’m not. It’s just because I don’t have much time to do so due to my daily routines.

Well then, I guess I should introduce myself.

My name is Arif Pratama Zulkarnain. I was born in July 12th, 1988. I like to read books, blogs, papers, news or whatever has texts on it. I love enjoying them on several places which could give me solitude or places having fine athmosphere such as coffee shops, bookstores, restaurants  or another cozy places. Yes, I would definitely spend my whole day on one of those places for sure. Whether it would be for reading, writing or just relaxing for a moment. And the other thing I like is having caffeine drinks like Red Bull, Espresso, Coffee, or anything that contains caffeine on it. Some say that it’s addictive, but I, myself, would be brave enough to put big “NO” signs every 5 metres of the sidewalks just to ensure that it is not. So, won’t you just believe me? Please?ROFL

Oh, well. I feel so goddamn sleepy right now. I guess that’s all for the introduction. Can’t wait to post a thing or two later. xD

Thank you for sparing your time to read my new useless blog.


Arif Pratama Z